Be Gentle With Yourself

Halfway through the weirdest year I’ve ever experienced and all I have to say is that I am beyond thankful. We’ve all been through so much this year and all of our plans were put on hold. Instead of feeling the need to overcompensate, why don’t we all just take a deep breath and hold onto it for an extra beat? Maybe we can take this year to be just that - a deep breath. Life gets so hectic and we get so caught up in our plans… daily, weekly, monthly. After March, I decided to put away my 2020 planner as it was useless. It was weird for me to not have something to constantly refer to when I needed to figure out what’s next. Waking up and taking the day as it is has been a blessing. Curious to see how the second half of this year goes…

Definitive answers in a subjective world?

Over the past couple weeks, I've been feeling like my head is going to explode. It is so full of thoughts that need to be released, but every time I try to formulate these thoughts I just can't seem to make words work for me. It's like that horrible feeling of something being at the tip of your tongue but you just can't get it out. I guess the easiest way to go about it is to just start at the tip and go back to the root of it all: change.

Change is inevitable and we all know that, I won't pretend that this is shocking news to me. What astounds me though, is how rapidly change has been washing over me lately. When I say change, I think I mean more of an internal change. You know like one day you adamantly believe something, and then the next day you change your mind completely. And yes, I do mean the next day. That's the thing, at first I could notice my thoughts and opinions change over years; now, I notice these changes within months and weeks. 

I have expressed this to several people lately because I feel like there must be something wrong with me. How could I be almost 23 years old, yet so confused about so much? I'm not trying to solve any grand, life changing riddle....just who am I? People have been telling me that this is normal for people my age, but that doesn't comfort me nor help me. This is as far as I can get before my mind starts to go numb. I just think and think until I give up and decide to block the thoughts out for as long as possible.

The only positive side I see to all of this is that I am able to see many different perspectives. This makes understanding people easier. If you subject yourself to strictly ONE way of thinking and convince yourself that all other ways are wrong, then the only person you're hurting is yourself. Keeping an open mind is always a good rule of thumb. For now I am embracing all change, and trying to loosen my overly stubborn mentality. It makes absolutely no sense to try to stunt change when you already know it's inevitable. So here's to welcoming change and hoping for the best.

A Beautiful Breath of Fresh Air

"YOU are a beautiful breath of fresh air...and I truly needed that tonight, thank you for introducing yourself! Best train ride I've ever taken!"

I often wonder about just how many people share this planet with me. I wonder about how many of them I still have not met and am destined to meet. I wonder about how much I will learn from them and what purpose they will serve in my life. 

I think it's true that everything and everyone presented to you in life serve a specific purpose. I try to understand why things happen and why they had to happen in the way that they happened and at the exact time that they happened. Everything in the universe is connected and sometimes all you really have to do is listen. It might take time to really understand and interpret a lot of things - especially the painful things, but eventually everything always connects. 

Over the past two weeks I have had the pleasure of meeting so many new faces. Some I have kept in contact with, others were just fleeting conversations in Uber Pools or on park benches. Although all of the people I have met have completely different backgrounds, they all seemed to be happy to share their lives with a complete stranger. I think there is something to be said about the fact that most of us feel more comfortable sharing the most private aspects of our lives with strangers as opposed to people who we actually know. It's so refreshing to feel like the universe has brought you to a complete stranger to just KNOW them. To hear them and to be heard by them. 

The quote at the beginning of this post was a message I received tonight from someone I met on the train today. It was an extremely long day and the horrible weather ruined a lot of travel plans - delayed trains and canceled buses... but I guess it was meant to happen so that the 3 of us could get stuck on that train together. I made two new friends tonight. Two amazing and genuine friends who made my heart feel so full by the end of the train ride. We were three completely different people with different problems and at different stages of our lives, yet we were able to connect in such a beautiful and intimate way. I have been feeling so stuck and so down but tonight has helped me in so many ways. After receiving the message I just found myself sobbing, but tears of joy. Sometimes we all just need a good cry and a change of perspective - sometimes we all just need to hear and be heard.